Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
