My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
