well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
