So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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