He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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