And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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