Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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