paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
