a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
