Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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