College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
