Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Randomize
