just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
