they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
