There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
