He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
