Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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