so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
