no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
