You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
