the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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