Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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