Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
