good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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