oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
