I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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