you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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