O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
