I wish I could punch you in the face.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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