the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
