I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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