When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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