I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
