She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
