I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
