i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
