Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
