I think my fart just growled at me.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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