You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
