Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
