Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
