your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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