I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
40s are totally the cure
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
