Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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