Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
