so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
