Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
