My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
