Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
