She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
