Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
