I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
