The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
